Spider-Man Shows Children His Doc Knocker!

Hey kids! Do you wanna be like Spider-Man, only just for pretend, so really you’ll be absolutely nothing like Spider-Man? Then you’re gonna love this Spider-Man exercise video for kids, unearthed by the brave video archeologists at Everything Is Terrible. Spidey’s gonna teach you all his patented moves, like the Sling Stance, the Doc Knocker and just those two moves over and over again.

Whoa, don’t be too impressive with that Doc Knocker, because Mary Jane will fall in love with you instead of Spider-Man! After all, Mary Jane is a registered sex offender, known to be sexually attracted to 8-year-olds. So kids, if Mary Jane makes your spider senses tingle – in a bad way – tell a parent, a trusted legal guardian or a police officer. However, whatever you do, don’t tell Spider-Man, cause he’ll totally flip his sh*t. I guess you could also tell Mr. Fantastic – that guy seems pretty on the level.