Awesomely Fake ‘Dark Tower’ Movie Poster With Clint Eastwood (Picture)
‘The man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed.’
Simple sentence. But it lays out an entire world of literature that has sold millions of books over the last thirty years.
The story is so badass that it can’t even be adapted. There are seven books in the series, but several other novels that Stephen King wrote either allude to or directly involve aspects of the ‘Dark Tower’ universe. Not to mention the short stories and novellas that involve several different characters from the core story.
Stephen King couldn’t hand this story over to some regular thumb-up-his-ass director (*cough* ‘Langoliers’directorTomHolland *cough*). The person that handled the adaptation of the ‘Dark Tower’ had to have unparalleled vision. Someone with time and heart enough to bring it to not just the movie screen, but the TV screen as well.
That person actually turned out to be J.J. Abrams. After the two of them had a conversation Stephen King sold Abrams the rights to adapt The Dark Tower for $19. (The significance of this number is related throughout the ‘Dark Tower series.)
Why so cheap? Because he’s rich, bitch! Every book he writes sells a bunch of copies so he’s got plenty of jack to make sure his indoor pools stay heated, even in the summertime. At this point, I’m sure he’d like to see it be adapted just as much as we would.
J.J. Abrams, however, has decided to pass on the project. Due to hits magnitude and scope it was gonna take many many more years of work to do it properly and Abrams realized that he simply didn’t have the time with his other projects to give it the full treatment it deserved. And he’s a punkass.
Ron Howard picked it up from there, got Javier Bardem attached, and talked about making three feature films and two seasons of television to do it right. But just when ‘Dark Tower’ fans had gotten their hopes up Opie came to the same realization Abrams did and the project faltered again.
Now, no one seems to be adapting it. No one even knows who still has the rights to it. But if Ewe Bol gets a hold of it there will be much MUCH disturbance within the force.
The ‘Dark Tower”s story is built around the character of the Gunslinger who is a kind of ruler from an era where the ruling class were Old West styled gunfighters who were both police force and judges over the populace. Think of gunslingers as knights from the middle ages who wore leather and used guns as supposed to wearing armor and wielding swords.
The Gunslinger, himself, is a deep character with a lot of charisma and balls the size of your house. Nay, Steven Spielberg’s house. Using his handguns, either left-handed or right-handed, The Gunslinger could shoot the whisker off a cat at a thousand paces. And with all his gunslinger knowledge he could probably re-attach it too.
The imagination runs wild with ideas for the various characters within the series. But it all starts with The Gunslinger himself. The steely gaze. The furrowed brow. The quiet demeanor brimming with menace. The soft, paternal side. The dancing feet (long story).
The man that plays the Gunslinger would have to be icon enough, himself, to play a literary icon. And if they’d made the series back in the 70′s Clint Eastwood would have been perfect. Perfect times a billion.
But it didn’t happen and it ain’t ever gonna happen. Fans can still dream though.