Do Mythical Creatures Exist? Scientists Vaguely, Infuriatingly Say “Maybe.”

I don’t want to hear about ‘maybe’. I just want facts, dammit. All these shows on Animal Planet and the History Channel are such nonsense mills — hype factories — telling us “maybe vampires existed” and “maybe aliens wrote the bible” and “maybe ghosts live in your mother’s haunted vagina.” Maybe doesn’t mean anything. Maybe means “I made up this ghost story and am now using semantics to subtly advertise it as fact without actually lying and telling you that it is.”

Animal Planet has just come out with a documentary called “Mermaids: The Body Found” in which multiple ‘experts and scientists’ speculate that Mermaids could’ve existed because:

- People back in the day totally claimed to have seen mermaids. It even happened more than once. Not sure if they were lying, telling a fantastical story, confusing another sea-creature with the fabled mermaid, or generally full of sh*t. Or seeing mermaids. Guys, they totally saw mermaids.
- “The fact is there are animals that have moved from the land into the sea. Could it have happened to humans?” – Actual quote from the writer/director of this abortion film.

Plenty of things ‘could’ have happened — but what do we know happened?

If you love speculation with very little scientific fact to back it up, you might want to check out the following shows:

Ancient Aliens.

IDK, therefore… aliens.

The Bible Code: Predicting Armageddon.

Let’s not focus too much on the fact that The Bible was a manmade book that has been repeatedly re-written, partially redacted, and amended countless times since it was created.

Cities of the Underworld.

To be fair, there are lots of fact here. But there’s nothing like the word ‘maybe’ to quench your thirst for facts. And this is irrelevant, but their host is so annoying that I can’t hear anything he’s saying through all the douche.

UFO Hunters.

Please. Don’t even.

MysteryQuest.

Every episode ends in the viewer learning the same thing: nothing!

MonsterQuest.

Again, no conclusions here. Just a bunch of eyewitness accounts from ex-meth addicts and loose ‘educated guessing’ by hack scientists.

The only MonsterQuest or monster-related show that seems to tell us anything is the piece on Bigfoot in Alaska. Not really sure where to find it, but it definitely doesn’t involve a team of fat nerds stumbling into a ‘haunted’ area and fumbling with a bunch of arbitrary machinery before returning back home empty-handed.

Then again, people love the words ‘maybe’ and ‘could’ because it opens up a fantastical world of otherwise neglected possibilities. Once you start saying maybe and could, anything is possible. Ghosts might exist, and that ‘might’ makes all your horror movies scarier and your dark nights around a campfire creepier — which is more fun than sitting around in the dark knowing that everything is just fine. Boooooring.

But then again, again, that ‘might’ comes into play again once we realize that if ghosts were truly real and abundant, there would be no scary storytelling over a campfire. People would be TOO scared. The possibility of being harmed by ghosts would then be too real, and ghost-lovers don’t want to be in real danger. We need that ‘maybe’ to keep us scared but safe. Otherwise it’d be like telling meth-head stories around a trash fire in a meth-dominated community, and that doesn’t sound like very much fun at all (to you — perhaps one day my dreams will come true).

Like Carl Jung said, “the only real danger that exist is man himself, he is the great danger….We are the origin of all coming evil.” We create the evil we love to fear, as do we create the evil we hate and truly fear (i.e. violent crime, warfare, genocide, r*pe).

So we can play with our maybes and our mights, and gawk at giant sea creatures as if they’re horrific aliens out to get us al;, but the only real monsters in this world are you and I. Put that in your UFO.