12 Ways to Screw Up Your Job Interview

You should probably not do these things. Choose one or more to ensure you’re definitely not getting hired.

- Show up late

- Show up more than 15 minutes early

- Give a ‘limp fish’ handshake. Look your potential overlord in the eye and break the dude’s goddamn hand off. Actually, that would be another ‘don’t’. Don’t hand out the death grip, but be firm and assertive in your handshake.

- Wear inappropriate attire

- Talk about your flaws without being asked. This includes pointing out a blemish on your face or helping other people notice that your shirt is wrinkled.

- Not be able to come up with a flaw when asked ‘what are your flaws?’, or provide a BS stock answer like ‘I work too hard’

- Make multiple/unreasonable requests about change in payment/schedule during the interview. You’re not even hired yet. Chill.

- Use an alias or nickname. Unless you’re applying to become a Bar Mitzvah DJ or a party magician, no one wants to call you “Skeeter.”

- Talk for too long. You should know when to put a lid on it. Answer the question fully and to the best of your ability, but don’t ramble on incessantly. Pay attention to the interviewer’s face for cues — if they seem to be growing bored or look like they have something to say, let them speak.

- Talk for too little. No one-word answers. Elaborate on every answer you provide, but make sure that your elaboration is nothing more than relevant details that will give the interviewer better insight into you as a great employee.

- Not know simple details about your own stupid self. Know your own favorites. This may seem irrelevant, but some positions may want to know about you as a person. If asked “What’s your favorite book?” it would be better to talk about how you prefer cinema over literature instead of saying “I don’t know.”

- Avoid eye contact. Duh. Seriously.