Three Products Every Bachelor Has that Double as Cleaning Products
So your parents surprise you with a visit and they are going to be arriving in a few short hours, or your girlfriend finally demands she see where you live, claiming you’re “closing her out of your life†when what you’re really doing is protecting her from that toxic waste dump you live in. You don’t own a mop, or a bucket, and you’re pretty sure your buddies drank the last of the Pine-sol during that last party. Not to worry, you can still get your place clean using things every bachelor has lying around.
COLA
This is one place the Coke vs. Pepsi battle is a moot point. Both will work just fine. The same acid that rots your teeth can be a boon when turned against the dark forces of dirt and gunk.
Dishes: We’ve all been there, your last attempt to make Kraft Dinner didn’t go quite according to plan and now your only decent pot looks like it was ground zero of a nuclear blast. Pour in enough cola to cover the entire blackened surface about an inch deep and cook on LOW heat for an hour. (if you put it on high I’m not responsible for the call to the fire department.)
Laundry: So you thought spilling coke on your clothes actually caused stains? Well it does, but it can also remove them. Cola is very effective at removing grease and those pesky blood stains from fabrics. As an added bonus it even acts as a deodorizer for those socks that have been fermenting in your laundry hamper for the last six months. Just dump the contents of one can of cola in with your regular wash and wait for the magic.
Cleaning the Toilet: Dump a can of coke into your porcelain throne and let it sit for an hour. Scrub, flush and take a moment to admire the sparkling white colour you have discovered.
Removing Rust: Again it’s all about the acids. Try not to think about what drinking this is doing to your tender organs as you drop any and all rusty items into a container full of cola and let it sit. Don’t forget to rinse when you’re done, or you’re newly de-rusted items will be shiny yet stickier than your little brother’s collection of Playboys.
My God, I hope you eat cider vinegar on your fries, retch-inducing as that may sound. Because if anyone follows your lead sentence, and puts dark malt vinegar–the kind you use on fries–on a surface that needs to be cleaned, they're going to be coming after you. It leaves an indelible stain.
You just, like, wrote that, right? You never actually tried it? Hint: don't mix bleach and ammonia, even virtually.
Vinegar makes an excellent douche, as well. It's not…just…for your…fries.