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Introducing Author Susan Hayes

  • Susan Hayes


  • Website: http://bzorch.ca
  • Twitter: Follow me on Twitter
  • Facebook: Find me on Facebook
  • Profile:
    Susan's a freelance writer who has written for Forkparty, cracked, funnycrave and her own twisted amusement. She lives on an island off the west coast of Canada and considers that a geographical advantage when the zombie apocalypse comes.
Weird
November 9, 2010, 1:53 pm
0

Russian Prison to Install Sunbeds and Mud Baths

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Butyrka prison in central Moscow has decided its time for an upgrade in its services and overhaul of  its image. One of the most notorious prisons in Russia, it’s being overhauled after lousy conditions and archaic medical equipment contributed to the death of one of its inmates. Nearly half of all of Russia’s prisoners are classified as ill, with HIV and tuberculosis as common as stool pigeons and black market cigarettes. To combat this, Sergei Telyatnikov, head of Butrykra prison says they are going to be “… developing additional medical services.”

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Fails
November 8, 2010, 4:03 pm
0

Boy Lights Slide on Fire, Tries to Extinguish it with His Body

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An Austrian lad has learned a painful lesson in fire management after attempting to put out a fire with his own body.  The thirteen year old boy and his 10 year old companion poured gasoline down a playground slide and then ignited it. In a leap of logic that would make any parent cringe, the boy then decided to put out the flames by hurling his body down the blazing slide, setting his pants and underwear on fire in the process.

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Fails
November 8, 2010, 11:46 am
1

Ford Trucks Popular with Mexican Criminals

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Gabriel Lopez, the new president of Ford in Mexico is blaming crime cartel’s love for his company’s vehicles for a slump in sales. “The (sale) of big pick-ups for personal use has fallen because of insecurity. It is the only segment that has,” said Lopez.

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Fails
November 5, 2010, 11:46 am
0

Man Arrested for Shoplifting a Pair of High Heels

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Kyle James Eckert may have great taste in shoes, but he lacked the panache to carry out his latest attempt at shoplifting.  The 22 year old picked out a pair of size 10 heels, wandered over to the dressing room and slipped them on before attempting to stroll out of the store.

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Food
November 4, 2010, 11:57 am
0

Bacon Soda – Because Everything is Better with Bacon

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Bacon, now available with bubbles. Yes, that’s right, bubbly bacon. Fizzy pork products, carbonated caloric bliss.  J&D Foods has joined forces with Jones Soda to bring bacon fans what they have been dreaming of, a way to drink their bacon.

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Fails
November 3, 2010, 1:00 pm
0

Tokes Lead to Badly Thought Out Bomb Hoax

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Aaron Mitchell is the new poster boy for stupid criminals and a walking, talking  reminder to everyone its never a good idea to do prank calls while intoxicated.  As he spends the next 16 weeks in jail, we hope he figures out just where he went wrong.  What did Mitchell do to deserve his sentence? Nothing really, just called up a Lt Commander of the British HMS Excellent Royal Navy Command Headquarters and left the following message. ‘Yeah, I’m gonna blow up the Royal Navy yeah, next time I come across you. I’ll see you in the sea and I’ll tip that boat over, everyone on that ship’s gonna drown, yeah. So don’t try and take nothing to heart, it’s gonna happen to you within the next three weeks. If you got something to say about it ring [Mitchell’s phone number].’

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Fails
November 2, 2010, 3:11 pm
9

Facebook Used to Predict Relationship Fails

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Facebook is doing more than tracking your location and advertising your status these days, it’s being used to predict when you’re most likely to get dumped. British journalist David McCandless took a stroll through Facebook’s status updates, looking for the key phrases “breakup” and “broken up.” Like archeologists sorting through tons of mundane garbage, emo poetry and the lastest news in what Aunt Ethel had for breakfast, they scavenged 10,000 updates and came up with some hard facts on when more people suddenly find themselves single.

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Lists
June 2, 2010, 10:37 am
9

5 Ways to Upgrade Your Body (With Modern Science)

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We’d all like to be commuting to work in our hover cars and invading small countries with our own personal mechanisms, but sadly technology has failed to live up to our expectations, and no matter what Steve Jobs claims, the iPad is just not in the same league.

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Food
May 13, 2010, 6:00 am
11

11 Terrible Hangover Cures (That People Actually Try)

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So you’re feeling the pain from a night of high adventure and possible alcohol poisoning. Your headache is epic, your tongue feels like its been having sex with a caterpillar’s corpse, and your nausea gets worse every time you try to draw breath through the toxic waste dump that is your mouth. Here’s a list of hangover cures that might just cure you, if they don’t kill you in the process.

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Animals
May 6, 2010, 6:00 am
5

5 Animals That Are Winning Their Turf Wars

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In the beginning Mother Nature had a simple plan, a place for everything and everything in its place. This worked well for several hundred million years; until humans came along and decided we could do better and proceeded to seriously cock things up.

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