Fork Party » Animals http://www.forkparty.com Uniting the Bored and Unemployed Tue, 22 May 2012 07:08:48 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Cats Vs Treadmill (Video) http://www.forkparty.com/29654/cats-vs-treadmill-video http://www.forkparty.com/29654/cats-vs-treadmill-video#comments Tue, 22 May 2012 06:51:47 +0000 Mikey http://www.forkparty.com/?p=29654 This video is YouTube gold… two cats, one treadmill. Now you might be thinking how can this video be so good? Well, I’m betting you’ll laugh at it even if you hate cats. Yes, it’s that good. Don’t believe me? Hit play.

]]> http://www.forkparty.com/29654/cats-vs-treadmill-video/feed 0 51 Mutated Animals (Pics) http://www.forkparty.com/29199/51-mutated-animals-pics http://www.forkparty.com/29199/51-mutated-animals-pics#comments Wed, 16 May 2012 15:52:25 +0000 Drew http://www.forkparty.com/?p=29199 Wasn’t Kodak recently discovered to be housing over 3 pounds of weapons-grade uranium in an underground lab? No one knew about it for so long. There must be so many other secret chemical stashes unfairly hidden away from the public. Let’s mix them all together and make some new creatures! Science!

I want a two-headed cat, but not one that suffers and dies an early death due to its terrible deformity. I want a two-headed cat that lives to be three hundred years old and ten feet tall. I would ride it all over town, feeding it nuclear waste and crushing my enemies (AKA everyone). I would name him America.
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]]> http://www.forkparty.com/29199/51-mutated-animals-pics/feed 0 15 Brindle Dogs (Pics) http://www.forkparty.com/28000/15-brindle-dogs-pics http://www.forkparty.com/28000/15-brindle-dogs-pics#comments Fri, 04 May 2012 17:29:06 +0000 Drew http://www.forkparty.com/?p=28000 You should know that you can get a beautiful, loyal, issue-free dog from the shelter. Hundreds of adoptable pets (adoptable meaning of normal temperament and without any problems) are killed everyday simply because no one is around to adopt them.

If people didn’t breed dogs for money so rampantly and without concern for where the animals end up, there would be a lot less needless animal suffering.

Law should require dog breeders to acquire and maintain a license, and undergo regular check-ups from the ACC/ASPA/whoever is to regulate.

But there’s no money in that, so who cares?

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Okay, so a whale skeleton in a museum isn’t exactly ‘nature.’ Please leave comments complaining about that and telling me how dumb I am. If you don’t, I will literally not kill myself.
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]]> http://www.forkparty.com/27274/45-animal-skeletons-in-nature-pics/feed 0 29 Animal Attacks (Pics) http://www.forkparty.com/27124/29-animal-attacks-pics http://www.forkparty.com/27124/29-animal-attacks-pics#comments Thu, 26 Apr 2012 16:22:38 +0000 Drew http://www.forkparty.com/?p=27124 This is what happens immediately after the “chased by an animal” photo is taken.

Don’t f*ck with the wildlife. The people getting attacked by wild animals held in captivity pretty much had it coming.
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]]> http://www.forkparty.com/27124/29-animal-attacks-pics/feed 0 People Chased by Animals (19 Pics) http://www.forkparty.com/27103/people-chased-by-animals-19-pics http://www.forkparty.com/27103/people-chased-by-animals-19-pics#comments Thu, 26 Apr 2012 16:06:45 +0000 Drew http://www.forkparty.com/?p=27103 Humans are a very slow animal, especially when compared to bears and moose and deers and dogs. Chickens are one of the only animals that humans can easily escape. What does that say about us as a species?

People like to think of themselves as strong, sometimes even indestructible. But a chicken will f*ck you up. Have you ever been attacked by a chicken? They have claws. Sharp ones. When I was little and growing up on a farm, my mother would punish my bad behavior by locking me in the chicken coop and letting the birds claw and peck at me for hours. I still have scars, both physical and emotional.
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]]> http://www.forkparty.com/27103/people-chased-by-animals-19-pics/feed 0 Antler Lock (12 Pics) http://www.forkparty.com/26811/antler-lock-12-pics http://www.forkparty.com/26811/antler-lock-12-pics#comments Tue, 24 Apr 2012 15:32:07 +0000 Drew http://www.forkparty.com/?p=26811 Deers and mooses and deers, oh my! Antler lock is something that happens when two stupid deers (rats of the forest, as Louis CK calls them) are butting heads and get their antlers all entwined and entangled. They usually die like that because, well, who’s going to help them? Ain’t nobody got time for that.

When deers see other deers with antler lock, they go into Super Saiyan mode and try to bash them apart. This usually leads to triple antler lock. Then, the deers will make loud braying noises in unison in hopes of alerting local authorities. The authorities do sometimes show up, but typically end up taking pictures for Facebook instead of actually helping out.
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]]> http://www.forkparty.com/26811/antler-lock-12-pics/feed 0 3 Cases of Animal Prostitution http://www.forkparty.com/26597/3-cases-of-animal-prostitution http://www.forkparty.com/26597/3-cases-of-animal-prostitution#comments Mon, 23 Apr 2012 14:41:44 +0000 Drew http://www.forkparty.com/?p=26597 Most of us would like to think that bestiality doesn’t really exist beyond the now-deceased Mr. Hands and jokingly accusing your most annoying friend of screwing his dog. Unfortunately, beast-humping is so popular that there are numerous animal brothels all over the world — and some are even legal.

Denmark

a Danish animal owner offers his horse to a Danish journalist claiming to be interested in animal sex

a Danish animal owner offers his horse to a Danish journalist claiming to be interested in animal sex


The state of Florida only recently outlawed beastiality, but Denmark’s laws on the subject are pretty ‘lax: don’t hurt the animal, and whatever you’re doing to it is perfectly legal. Denmark has numerous animal brothels, but many individuals advertise animal sex services as well. The average price for animal sex is apparently anywhere between $85 and $200, and many of the animal owners are convinced that their animals either don’t care or are actually craving sex. People travel from neighhhhhh-boring countries to screw animals in Denmark due to the ease of acquiring some hot — and most importantly, legal — virgin horse pussy.

Pony the Orangutan


Pony was an Orangutan in Borneo who was kept chained to a cum-stained mattress in a tiny cell and sold as a sex slave. Men would enter her tiny room, prompting her to launch her sexy ass into stripper mode — she would bend over, shake her ass, and gyrate her lumpy monkey hips. Oh, and they shaved her every couple of days to make her look more like a woman. After some painstaking planning, an animal rights group stormed the village with hired guns to retrieve Pony — whom the residents were defending with poison tipped spears.

Douglas Spink’s House of Horsef*cking in Seattle


Douglas Spink could have had it all — a farm, a large variety of animals to rape, and plenty of tourist zoophiles to rent the sweet meat of his beasts. It was his own idiocy that did him in, and after repeatedly calling a nearby government office to inquire about the charges against Mr. Hands’ videographer (seriously), Spink himself was investigated.

Investigators arrived at Spink’s house and found him there with another man. A search of the residence turned up a video of Spink’s companion — a British tourist — raping a dog. He was still wearing the same outfit; both men were arrested. After confiscating dogs, horses, mice, and alleged child pornography from the place, County Sherriff Bill Elfo said of the case:

“This stuff is just truly bizarre,” he said. “These were mice that had their tails cut off, they were smothered in Vaseline and they had string tied around them. I expect there may have been other people visiting the property.”

]]> http://www.forkparty.com/26597/3-cases-of-animal-prostitution/feed 0 9 Two-Headed Animals (Pics) http://www.forkparty.com/26477/9-two-headed-animals-pics http://www.forkparty.com/26477/9-two-headed-animals-pics#comments Thu, 19 Apr 2012 14:54:09 +0000 Drew http://www.forkparty.com/?p=26477 Not as cool as they sound in theory, animals with two heads are still a modern marvel. Just give me fifty cents and proceed to the back of this dark alley, where you’ll find a tank containing two stuffed animals sewn together at the seams. I mean, a live two-headed beast!! BEWARE!

None of these are as interesting or scary as this guy, who apparently had an evil face growing out of the back of his head. It could laugh and cry but never spoke…unless he was alone with it, when it whispered dark and creepy things to him at night. The man couldn’t remove it, so he FOXCONN’d himself (that’s a suicide joke). All of this is totally true; I read it on the internet.

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Time recently wrote an article on babies and iPads, citing data from a recent AAP study.

The study concludes that while kids over the age of 2 can learn a lot from educational apps (i.e. a group of 3 to 7-year-olds saw a 31% improvement in vocabulary after a few weeks of using “Martha Speaks”), kids under the age of 2 really have no clue WTF is going on inside that screen. Depth perception, taste, smell, and experiencing the feel of different textures are all eliminated with the use of the iPad. While using the iPad isn’t necessarily bad for stupid little babies under two years old, it probably isn’t helping them all that much unless you’re sitting beside them and using the app together.

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