These shot recipes are sure to give you and your friends hangovers that will last for days. Do not enjoy.

Mac n Cheese Jello Shots recipe:

Mac & Cheese
Cheese Rum
Milk
Macaroni
Velveeta

Gorilla Puke recipe

:

¾ oz. Bacardi 151
¾ oz. Wild Turkey Bourbon Whiskey

Liquid Steak recipe:

1½ oz. Barcardi 151
Worcestershire Sauce
Fill shot with Bacardi then slowly top with a drizzle of Worcestershire Sauce.

Hot Mexican Hooker recipe:

1 shot tequila
Tabasco and tuna brine to taste
Ugh. Tuna brine.

Eggermeister recipe

:

1 ½ oz. Jaegermeister
One pickled egg (common in most bars)
One highball glass

The Holocaust insensitive recipe:

1 oz. of Vodka
One Squirt of Hot Mustard
½ oz. of Sauerkraut Juice
“Mix sauerkraut and vodka, microwave for 10 seconds, squirt in mustard and drink. Or don’t, because it really sucks.”

NJ Turnpike recipe:

One Bar Mat
One Bar Rag
Squeeze the liquor-esque contents of the mat and rag into a shot glass. Drink and advance directly to death. Do not collect $200.

While I doubt anyone has ever gotten strong from something as drastically lame as yogurt, here’s the video:

HA! Yeah right. This is 2011 and you’re lucky if you can check out a pr0n site without having a popup freeze up your browser. Unless you use Internet Explorer. In that case you’re lucky if your computer doesn’t melt straightaway.

You should still be able to choose what you eat and drink though. In most cases, we do. But in some you have been psychologically conditioned. That is to say, it’s been hammered down your throat so much you’ve come to like it.

These foods, in and of themselves in their simplest edible elements, are gross:

Bread

Lick a sponge. Not that thing at the bottom of the ocean. And CERTAINLY not that thing with the chemicals on it. I mean, a freshly purchased, chemical free sponge. Lick it. What do you taste?

Exactly. Nothing. Nothing on a sponge is tasty, delicious or desirable.

Now lick a piece of bread. Average as hell, right? But you eat it on sandwiches? Why not just eat the meats, cheeses, sauces and seasonings themselves? Why not wrap them in soft-shell taco-listic ecstasy and really make a go of it?

Because when Mom cut the crusts off your sandwiches you, unknowingly, made a compromise. If she would cut the crusts off, then you would eat that nasty-ass sandwich. Years later, you’re too lazy to cut off the crusts anymore but you still eat the bread. What a chump.

Tea

Tea has a history that goes back thousands of years. Its flavors cover a multitude of scents and styles. And tea is appreciated by everyone from the pauper to the sophisticate, from the bum to the aristocrat, from the hottie to the douchebag. Most everyone in one way or another is willing to drink some form of tea.

Suckers.

That stuff tastes like the underside of a camel’s nutsack. Not that we here at ForkParty know anything about that. Especially not after a particularly robust dare.

But tea is definitely gross. Without some sort of sweet flavoring added to it you may as well be sucking on a tree branch. But if that’s your thing, we don’t judge…*snicker*.

You probably got to drinking it because someone you know and respected drank it. Let’s be honest, what really happened is that someone you were trying to bang drank it. Otherwise, you would have tossed that tea bag aside for a real drink. Like lemonade. Yum!

Fish

Catching fish is a skill that takes cunning, talent and endurance. So does eating one. Ugh. Without breading, seasoning and a good deal of effort you may as well be eating rotted paint.

A fish looks like the mutant form of a bug that lost it’s legs and grew a bigger mouth. Other animals in some ways look tasty.

A pig looks round and pink so you can imagine its flesh having a sweet flavor. Sheep are so white and pure you imagine their flesh warming your body and comforting your soul from first bite.

A fish looks like what you’d eat to catch herpes.

Coffee

If you’ve actually managed to somehow dodge the straight on, middle-of-the-forehead browbeating indoctrination that coffee lovers give you, then you’ve shaken off these following arguments:

Coffee comes in all kinds of flavors!

Coffee smells delicious!

Coffee is good for your heart!

Coffee wakes you up in the morning!

Well…all the flavors still taste like coffee so they fail. Coffee smells like flavored coffee and is, therefore, still coffee. You know what’s also good for your heart? Running. And if you wanna get woken up well, get some morning nookie.

Save the coffee for someone that gives a damn.

Sport Drinks

Take Kool-Aid or any other artificially flavored carbonation-free sweet drink. Remove the sugar and the flavor and you’ve got sports drinks. Sport drinks are like what would happens if sugar lost its soul to the devil.

Sports drinks are a combination of tap water, food coloring and just enough taste to qualify as a drink. If pop were to have diarrhea, the resulting outflow would be sport drinks.

And a head’s up to those of you that think sport drinks are healthier for you. They rot and stain your teeth just like, if not more so than, pop. Go ahead now! Sport Drink’s orange flavor #6 is waiting for you.

Alcohol

A good question? Who made the first alcoholic drink? A better question? Whose dumbass drank it?

Alcohol can appear naturally in nature, but most of what we have is artificially created through a series of manipulated elements. How on earth did we get there? And why did we first drink it?

We do, however, definitely know why we continue to drink it. In the first society of man, shortly after alcohol’s introduction, men and women made a discovery and the conversation probably went a lot like this:

Pre-historic Man: *points at crotch*
Pre-historic Woman: Hmph!
Pre-historic Man: *offers several alcoholic beverages*

20 minutes later

Pre-historic Woman: *points at crotch*
Pre-historic Man: *does happy dance*

Nothing in alcohol is inherently delicious. Any combination of cleaners you use to wipe down your kitchen would probably taste just as good, if not better (lookin’ at you potpourri!!!). The difference is alcohol won’t give you stomach cramps. Well, not at first.

Drinking alcohol is like willfully putting your body in peril. It’s like dangling naked from a cliff because you like the feel of the wind on your balls. It’s like driving blindfolded because you like the feel of the unknown. It’s like shooting yourself while wearing a bulletproof vest to test its vulnerability. It’s like…writing an article about ideas no one will understand and hoping they’ll convert their thinking just because you made them laugh a little.

Whatever it’s like, alcohol is nasty. So suck it up and eat and drink what truly tastes good. Or just make sure you’re not sober when you do it. There are healthier ways to lose weight, but it will be a struggle for most, so quit drinking. Simple enough, right?

It’s hard to determine whether the makers of this finely flavored ramen were trying to make a genuine joke or were just suffering from a bad case of Engrish.

But it works.

‘Instant Ramen”s ‘Soup For Sluts’ is cheap, easy and fast, just like how we like our women…for one night only.

Funny, that’s how we like our ramen too.

No bowl of super-dried noodles caked in sodium is meant to be eaten as part of a healthy daily diet. But sometimes all the bills hit at once. And baby’s gotta eat.

‘Instant Ramen’ also produces the flavors ‘Wasted And Broke,’ ‘Hello Lazy,’ and ‘Din Din Fuk Chow.’ Good thing your belly, like your self-esteem, can take a hit.

Would you break up with her if she had extra powerful gas like 1 day a week? Would you show her the door if you caught her pranking your dog? Here’s one… what if that crazy chick loved to eat the inside of couches? That’s right. The woman of your dreams can’t stop herself from ripping a hole in your $5000 tiger print sofa and devouring it’s innards like a ravenous vulture!

Too crazy to be an actual thing is what you’re thinking right about now… and you’re dead wrong. Thanks once again to the internet, the impossible is now couch munchingly possible. Florida is home to  a woman named Adele Edwards. Adele has been dipping into the couch buffet for over 21 years! She started at the age of 10 during a difficult divorce between her parents.

She says she would unzip couch covers and just start chowing down on the foam at the inside. This story’s weirdness does not stop there. It turns out that this is an actual disorder that usually affects pregnant women. It is called Pica and causes seriously bizarre cravings for things like dirt and sofa foam.

Adele is desperate to stop pounding couch foam. She has eaten through 7 couches THIS YEAR ALONE! Yeah, that is one insatiable appetite for the taste of butt and laziness. There is nothing wrong with trying adventurous foods… but somebody seriously needs to show this lady The Food Network or something.

On the other side of the coin, could you imagine how enraged you would become if your woman kept digesting all of your couches? By couch 2 it would be hard not to call some kind of a meeting… hopefully in the kitchen-nowhere near the couch. The knowledge we can take away from this is if you notice your couches are being destroyed at an unusual rate…  don’t jump to conclusions and blame the dog right out of the gate. Try talking to your girlfriend and tempting her with a plate filled with a heaping serving of cushion… with some parsley for garnish.

[Source: Yahoo! News]

[Images Via: Coleman - Rayner and Youtube]

View Gallery: Bizarre McDonald’s Food From Around The World

View Gallery: Chinese Restaurant Sign Fails