There’s just something about Yo-landi…

This is a pretty PG music video for such a horrific topic. In reality, people should be crying, screaming, running for their lives. It would be like a hairier version of The Blob chasing teenagers and Kevin Dillon down the street.

This video is easy to fall in love with both because of the catchy song and the awesome dance moves. It’ll have you imitating Robyn for days (possibly weeks) on end. The last party at my house shook the floors as this song was played 3 times in a row. I was sick, so I had to listen to the thumping from my bedroom below, eat ice cream from the tub, and cry about my miserable existence.

New Orleans Bounce is too easy to get stuck in your head with its simple (and hilariously ghetto) lyrics and super bouncy beat. We goin’ wally wally wally wally Walmart. She got her basket basket basket basket basket.

Dem Stars ‘My Juvie’s Not a Juvie No More’ is about a guy celebrating the 18th birthday of his girlfriend or whatever she is. He “didn’t want to R Kelly” so he “waited until she was ready,” which is something only an upstanding gentleman would do, so stop hating.
She raps
“I’ve been waiting for a while for that boy
to pull it out and let me play with his toy”
As a bunch of 9 year olds dance in the background amongst her friends. There’s a bunch of children dancing in a manner you may call inappropriate, but they’ll someday be better at dancing than most of us could ever be. And possibly also at having multiple bastard children as well.

Sissy Nobby – Beat it Out the Frame

Mr Ghetto – WalMart

Fast cars, bears, outer space, and dice. All essential to being incredibly badass, or at least available in image form across the web and ready to be photoshopped into an awkward montage. If anyone knows what these artists actually sound like, please let us know.

Daniel Johnston is an amazing songwriter and musician from Sacramento, California. He’s been diagnosed with manic depression and schizophrenia, which probably explains some of the genius behind so many of his songs. Some fun facts on Johnston:

- Johnston first became popular when Kurt Cobain was photographed wearing a t-shirt bearing Johnston’s latest album cover.
- Johnston turned down a deal with Elektra records because he was convinced that Metallica, who was already signed to the label, was possessed by Satan and would come after him.
- In a two-seater plane with his father, Johnston pulled the key from the ignition and tossed it, believing that he was Casper the Friendly Ghost. His dad crash landed the vehicle, destroying it but leaving himself and his son virtually unharmed.
- “The Devil and Daniel Johnston” is an award-winning documentary about Johnston’s life and is definitely worth checking out.

They’ve knocked it out out of the park like a ‘roided up Barry Bonds power crunch, even down to the solo.

Hold on, let’s get something straight: Why the F*** are kids playing ‘Enter Sandman?’

It’s a dark little song told with much hair and anger, written with a child in mind. But it feels more like a ‘Grimm’s Fairy Tale’ in that it’s meant to be for adults in reference to a child.

Then there’s the whole, I don’t know, idea that maybe, perhaps, their PARENTS should have been preventing such a thing. There are plenty of songs to sing from Nickelback…oh, wait. From Ozzy? Hold up, no. How about AC/DC?? Hrm. Um, hell no. What about Motley Cr…nevermind.

You gotta suppose, then, that if the kids must rock, Metallica is as good a choice as any. Especially when you’ve got that little blond shredder on the right. When she really figures out how to use that guitar there will be no man, or woman, to stand as her equal.

And if you can get that lead singer to take the ‘w’ sounds out of every other syllable he sings they might actually be able to take that act on the road.

Let’s be honest. Dubstep music sounds like what would happen if you put two large magnets next to a subwoofer, plugged them all in, put a Lionel Ritchie song on the turntable, and poured water on the whole thing.

Dubstep originated in south London, England and probably by a guy who didn’t know how to properly use his synthesizers. Using one of his bass beat tracks he started twisting knobs and converters and discovered that he could make whole songs out of it.

Dubstep Pioneer: Mum! I fig’ered ou’ a whole new way of ma’in’ music!
Mum: Oh? Ya’ think it’s gunna put a’y foo’ on this table ‘ere?
Dubstep Pioneer: Of course ma’! Soon enough we’ll be ea’in’ the foinest grubs the worl’ ‘as to offer!
Mum: Jus’ make sure da’ blacks can dance to it! If da’ blacks can’t dance to it, it don’t matter anywheres!
Dubstep Pioneer: Mum! That’s rye-cist!
Mum: Well it’s true! And Paul McCartney is a tosser!
Dubstep Pioneer: Mum!

From that lonely, testosterone soaked basement came the music that is rapidly moving into every corner of music from rock to pop and back again.

But like any form of music it has its detractors. Like perhaps, the three clever young lads in this video.

A man is a hard creature. All cracks and crevasses filled with roughness and bad smells. They drink beer, watch football and fart like savages.

But the power of the kitten is renown throughout modern man. Their tiny whiskers and innocent faces and tiny mewlings and rampant curiosity can melt the heart of even the gruffest rustler this side of the Mason-Dixon.

It’s a black-magic-grade adorableness that kittens possess and use against us to break down anger. Especially when they mess up some personal stuff.

Scratched up my favorite chair? Aw! But you did it so cutely!

Tore apart my hockey skates? You look so sorry though!

So why not put three unbelievably cute kittens on top of a running DJ set up and see what happens? They can’t hurt anything as DJ equipment is pretty durable. And who knows? They might make a remix that you can sell to Jay Z.

The only people crazy enough to expose politicians are ambitious reporters and political opponents.

Steve Berke fancies himself a comedian and writes songs and bits satirizing political issues. He also claims to be running for the office of Mayor of Miami Beach.

His incumbent opponent, he says, has stolen government money and lied about it. In calling for her resignation, he offered to also provide her resignation theme music.