If any of these are repeats, it’s because they were too awesome just to appear once and not because I’m an idiot, okay?!

I would hate to have that pet horse but would be too much of a softy to ever give it away. I’d just constantly have to be like “shut up, Sarah Jessica!” and “No! You’re a horse now! I can’t even f*cking find high heels in your size!”

I can’t wait to try the Mentos trick out on everyone I know, give my grandma a heart attack and lose all my friends in the process. Sacrifices must be made. What am I saying? I’d rather crawl into that air freshener costume and cut Bob’s toenails at 4:30 in the morning.

Most of the creations are alcoholic, so they’re the perfect treat for tricking kids into your van. Or, if you’re not a monster who should be immediately put to death, for the next party you attend.

Check the site out here.

If I ever have kids, I’m going to dress them up like that little pink thing and make them dance for change. I’ll wear a costume, too, and blend in with them just in case someone tries to pull some funny stuff. I can then tear off my mask and yell at the predators, who will be confused but not intimidated because I look pretty young myself. Besides the meth scarring.

The giant fat guy was featured on a Discovery channel special about his morbid obesity. He was carried from his house and to a hospital, where doctors forced him into a diet that saved his miserable life and cost him a couple hundred pounds. As thanks, the man complained that he wished everyone would just leave him alone and let him eat himself to death in peace. I find myself wishing the same thing.

Want to be my Valentine? Just send a box of those ‘chocolates’ to me and I will report you to the police for stalking, since I’ve never given out my address here or any other public forums on the internet…you stalker.

These amazing pictures will make you feel warm and fuzzy inside, until you scroll past them and onto other people’s snarky comments, sidebar ads and blank white space. If you then realize how bleak your existence is, just scroll back up. And then back down. And then back up, until your boss comes over to ask WTF you’re doing, only to get roped into the colors and stare blankly over your shoulder. Enjoy!

The swimming pool idea is a great one, especially if you have kids that you don’t even like.

Prostitution begets meth begets prostitution, or so says the Bible (of meth and prostitution). The actual Bible talks about a prostitute who loves big donkey genitals, so maybe that’s what these ladies were after when they decided to eat the meat forever. Here’s Courtney Stodden’s Future: