Battery Brutus is the man who’ll cut off your calls, kill your camera, and put an untimely end to your favorite show without batting a greasy eyelash.

Once he starts, he doesn’t stop.

Time to buckle up and hold tight.

“The only real danger that exist is man himself, he is the great danger….We are the origin of all coming evil”
-Carl Jung

911 Spanish Recording of Boy’s Mother’s Murder‬

“I killed my children. Ya. I kill them. Both of them.”
“How did you do that, ma’am?”
“I don’t know. I just kill them.”

“A Massachusetts woman can be heard saying ‘Die! Die!’ on a 911 call made by a security guard who helped to subdue the woman after she used a pair of scissors to inflicted 100 wounds on her 2-year-old daughter.”

Warren Williams, the 14-year-old boy who shot and killed his own father because he was “tired of living.” He was tried as an adult and sentenced to 20 1/2 years in prison.

‪911 Call in World Trade Center while tower collapse‬s

“Before Toyota could be bothered to recall 3.8 million Toyota and Lexus cars that they had known for two years had a problem, an off-duty state trooper and three members of his family had to die in fatal car crash when the car accelerated . This is the recording of their 911 call moments before they crashed into the end of the freeway at 120 mph.”

911 dispatchers ignore a social worker who pleads for help when a father of two displays strange, threatening behavior during what was supposed to be his supervised visit.

Debra Jeter slashes the throats of her two daughters, killing one and injuring the other. Jeter then changes her mind and calls 911 for help. She had a history of mental illness, had been institutionalized numerous times, and attempted suicide just a few weeks earlier.

What’s needed in the bar is one of these fantastic teletransporters.

Now it’s not gonna beam you into space or back in time or anything stupid like that. No, no, no. All it’s going to do is give you a soundproof place that has a ton of options for background sounds that will give you the perfect cover story and a guaranteed BJ when you get home.

Can you imagine this hitting you in the nuts?

The Story of Marjoe is gripping on a number of levels.

Marjoe is a remarkable performer. As a toddler, he can deliver animated, energy-packed sermons with enough (fake) conviction to make Mother Teresa believe she’s going to hell. The way he says “Jesus” and throws his arm over his head like a Mortal Kombat move is too awesome.

Marjoe grew up to be a remarkable person. He’s kind, funny, intelligent, and honest. Albeit sad, Marjoe doesn’t seem to harbor any hatred or anger toward his villainous parents.

The people at these sermons are legitimately bonkers. Fake seizures on the floor, hilarious shuffling dance moves, and astounding perms are just a bit of what to expect during candid shots of the freakshow. Protip: leave the footage of these events on during a party as background noise.

Here is the full film (about an hr and 20 minutes):

Hit play and see what you can add to this lot – which should be nothing as the video is called the fastest everything.