Fork Party

Another Early Caturday (11 Cat Pics)

Drew2 — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:38:44 +0000

Do you have any cats? Here, have some more.

I have three cats. Ted, Magical Fantasy, and Catty. Catty rules the house and will smack a bitch if they get too close to her while she’s eating. Magical Fantasy is a notorious bird-hating criminal in the neighborhood, and despite my efforts to thwart his evil plans, he’s slaughtered many a feathered friend. Cats will be cats. Ted’s just a fat, lazy POS who can be found as a sleeping lump on the church pew I got from the garbage.

18 Sexy Trees (Pics)

Drew2 — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:23:06 +0000

These aren’t doing it for me, but maybe there are some dendrophiliacs out there who would like to get an awkward boner looking at these sexy trees.

For those who don’t like to have sex with trees, a ‘dendrophiliac’ is someone who does. How does one fornicate with a tree, though? It sounds quite uncomfortable and full of chafing. Not sure if dendrophiliacs really exist or it were just an elaborate joke on/by the internet. Oh internet, you so creepy.

30 Lbs of Cocaine Shipped to U.N. Building

Drew2 — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:14:29 +0000

Cocaine hidden in fake diplomatic pouches accidentally ended up in the U.N.’s mailroom last week. Somewhere, someone’s ‘little friend’ is saying a very loud hello to one or more fumbling criminals.

The fake diplomatic pouches were designed to travel through customs with minimal inspection, which was extremely successful. DHL didn’t think twice about dropping them off at the UN, whose employees immediately recognized the envelopes as fraudulent knockoffs.

Vampire, Cannibal to Marry in High Security Psychiatric Ward

Drew2 — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:08:29 +0000

Somewhere in an asylum in Sweden, a self-proclaimed vampire and a cannibal plan their marriage with blessings from The Church of Satan.

“I love Michelle – have never met anyone like her,” Jonsson said. “‘I want to cut the throats of people on the subway,” Gustafsson said.

Isakin Jonsson (33) and Michelle Gustafsson (23) met on MSN messenger. At least it wasn’t Plenty of Fish. That place is a cesspool.

Gustafsson earned her nickname, “Blood-Sucking Murderess,” from a crime in which she slaughtered a single father, cut him up with a saw and knife, and then posed for gory pictures with his blood dripping from her mouth. Remarkably, the institution is allowing her to pursue a certificate in sanity — hopefully in vain.

Jonsson’s nickname is “Human Flesh Eater,” which sounds only slightly tamer until you learn that he cut the head off of his ex-girlfriend (a mother of five) and ate parts of her body. Johnsson tried to squeeze some tasty tabloid money out of his sordid marriage story, but The Sun hung up on him without making a deal. A bad murderer, an even worse businessman.

Friday Get High Day Picdump (36 Random Pics)

Drew2 — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:00:25 +0000

Jesus with a little kitty, Aguilera from back in the day, CREAM, a business-oriented cat, Sarah Jessica Parker is literally a horse, and more.

I would hate to have that pet horse but would be too much of a softy to ever give it away. I’d just constantly have to be like “shut up, Sarah Jessica!” and “No! You’re a horse now! I can’t even f*cking find high heels in your size!”

Weird & Funny Food (12 Pics)

Mikey — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 09:06:49 +0000

Twelve photos of probably the weirdest food you will see on the shelves of a supermarket in some far away place.

Some are so weird they can only be laughed at as the names of the products get lost in translation. “Cock Falvoured Seasoning with your soup, sir?”

Die Antwoord’s New Video ‘I FINK U FREAKY’ Brings Us to the Weird Part of Youtube Again

Greg Voakes — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 20:41:44 +0000

There’s just something about Yo-landi…

Entrepreneur of the Week: Man Steals Glacier to Sell as Designer Ice Cubes

Drew2 — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 17:54:00 +0000

An unnamed man in Patagonia has been caught stealing five tons of glacier, which he planned to cut up and sell as ‘designer ice cubes’ for cocktails.

Jorge Montt, a glacier in Chile, is one of the fastest shrinking glaciers in the world. How many men can say they single handedly aided the progression of global warming?

The icy thief was caught with over $7000 worth of stolen ice in his refrigerated truck, and may face a ‘violation of national monuments’ charge on top of theft.

What if he did sell the ice cubes, unleashing a secret and (until now) frozen disease that spreads throughout the world in a matter of days, killing off a significant amount of the population and causing mad drama when Bruce Willis is forced into quarantine and away from his family? I just gave you a billion dollar movie idea…for free. Go go go go go go go go.

I Hereby Declare This Lot To Be Certified Oddballs (15 Pics)

Mikey — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 17:28:18 +0000

Any day now this lot of oddballs can expect the men in white coats to come knocking with an offer of ‘free room and free food’.

Sure we can’t all be the same and people like to express themselves but you have to draw the line somewhere and Mikey is drawing the line under the fifteen unfortunates featured here.

‘It’s Almost Friday’ Thursday Picdump (67 Awesome Pics)

Drew2 — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 13:14:58 +0000

An alcoholic dog, a Bieberholic girl, how to feed your baby, Judge Judy facial expressions, some frightened babies, proof that fat doesn’t mean ‘out of shape’ (necessarily..I guess), and more.

I can’t wait to try the Mentos trick out on everyone I know, give my grandma a heart attack and lose all my friends in the process. Sacrifices must be made. What am I saying? I’d rather crawl into that air freshener costume and cut Bob’s toenails at 4:30 in the morning.