The 2011 Analyst’s Desktop Binder from Homeland Security details the top 374 keywords that the U.S. government looks out for. Here I list the most absurd ones and put myself on the radar as a potential terrorist and freedom-hater. Next up, boob pics.
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When I was 13, I went online and downloaded every stupid ‘hacking’ program I could find. I would go into chatrooms and execute these programs, causing everyone to get kicked offline or spammed until the computer just gave up and froze. As a result, AOL banned me several times and my mom had to call up customer service, pleading with them and promising that my stumpy, bratty little fingers would never touch the keyboard again.
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